Self-confidence is a powerful and foundational energy store. Thanks to her, we can overcome obstacles, move forward in our projects. And if it has failed, it is still possible to restore it.Laurence Lemoine
Have you noticed? "The concepts that speak to our heart are often the most difficult to define", as the psychoanalyst Moussa Nabati says. Happiness, for example, freedom, love. Or even self-confidence. Intuitively, we know what it looks like: something like ease, insurance. We recognize it when we experience it, better when we miss it. We lack this joyous curiosity for the day to come, this inner freedom that allows us to express our tastes and our points of view, to choose and to refuse, to form projects and to realize them ...
This happy cocktail desire and self-esteem, self-esteem and optimism, the author of the Happiness to be self also calls it "the in-life", a vital force that, like a sap, nourishes and animates us , "giving us the happiness of being oneself, alive and whole". But what is it made of? What is it based on?
A healthy image of oneself
No doubt we are more confident when fortune smiles at us. Ah, if I was rich, if I was thinner, if I had more time, it would be better! Perhaps. However, explains Moussa Nabati, "self-confidence is not a problem of wallpaper, but of foundations".
She dwells first and foremost on the love we have received in the very early days of our existence. Narcissism - the love we have for ourselves - arises from the internalization of this original solicitude. Necessary, constitutive, it bases the image that we have of ourselves and, from there, the esteem that we carry. To have confidence in oneself is to be filled with this energy of love and life, the libido. It is, adds Moussa Nabati, "to feel to belong to the great chain of the living, in the same way as the plants and the animals, and to feel deeply that as long as there is life, there is hope ".
A powerful libido like a river, which irrigates the whole of our being, that allows to love oneself quietly, with its qualities and its defects - a sign of a "healthy" image of oneself rather than " any good "or" any bad ". This is also the way to recover from the most terrible trials and, even when the future looks bleak, to maintain confidence in life.
The legitimacy of being oneself
But of course, this underground force is not the common lot. Deprived from the beginning of a love that feeds, some are sorely lacking energy.Others are nostalgic for their childhood enthusiasm, blunted by the trials and disappointments of life.
"At one point, through bullying and humiliation, it becomes easier to comply or submit rather than struggle to assert oneself," says Gian Laurens, author of a very stimulating alphabet. 'assertiveness. As a sociopsychologist, he runs "assertiveness" courses on behalf of a training organization, during which he invites the candidates "to try to understand in the name of what they have crashed, and to see that the docility has never been a way to peace but, on the contrary, a further incentive for self-exploitation ".
Among the keywords used during the internship, the "fear" - to displease, lose, fail, suffer ... - obviously allows to explore the limits in which everyone has imprisoned. Another enlightening notion to reject them: the "legitimacy", that which one gives oneself to be oneself, to express oneself, to lead one's life as one understands it, to explore in freedom the infinite possibilities of existing.
But this is where things get complicated. Because what one accepts intellectually, one must also be able to live it emotionally. Allow yourself to, do not stop ... Psychotherapy is sometimes necessary to remove the obstacles that we place ourselves in our path, in the name of an unconscious feeling of indignity or inadequacy.
According to Moussa Nabati, "it is not the adult who suffers, but his inner child, which is why we can only restore confidence by focusing on the content of our early childhood depression (DIP ) when we were unloved, or helpless witness to the suffering of our parents, or put in a place that was not ours, that of a missing brother, for example.The past can never be repaired, but Therapy allows the impotence we felt then to no longer make us suffer today. " The surest way to find the "in-life".