Family

Have I been a destructive sister?

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Have I been a destructive sister?

For economic reasons, my two brothers, my sister and I have always slept in the same room. As a teenager, I sexually provoked my brothers and even mimed sex. I am now 30 years old, and I am afraid of having destroyed them. I feel guilty. Help me. Marielle - Rouen

Claude Halmos

Psychoanalyst

answers

My practice, Marielle, taught me two things. The first is that when incestuous relationships take place in siblings, those responsible are never the children (or adolescents) who act or suffer. Because such acts can not exist independently of a family context.

And the second thing is that the small size of the houses, which forces children to live together in the same room, is also not the main cause of the problem. On the one hand, because incest exists in castles as well as in two rooms. And secondly, because in therapy, patients often discover that the organization of the apartment, which seemed the only possible, could have been other.

The incestuous acting out can be due to several factors. The fact that the prohibition of incest has not been clearly stated. The children were not told that sex, allowed outside, is prohibited within the family. A difficulty experienced by children to go to this outside. Because their flight is not supported by their parents, and sometimes even banned. Everything continues to happen "in the family", including sexuality ...

And then it is also the conscious position - but especially unconscious - parents in relation to this problem. Yours, you say, have not seen or wanted to see. Why? Had they experienced the same thing? Were there adults around them who organized disturbing relationships between children and found enjoyment there?

We should explore that. To be able, in full knowledge of the facts, to speak with your brothers and your sister. That's how you can help them.

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