In today's world, in the ways of life that are ours, respect is a true asceticism and all the more so as we begin our existence with a fundamental handicap . Would we be conditioned?
Jacques Salomé is a psychosociologist. He is the author of The courage to be self (Pocket) and Living with others (Ed de Man). According to him, the respect we owe us is not necessarily innate, especially in a society where competition is omnipresent. It is, however, possible to change one's self-look for more benevolence.
Indeed, for most of us, we were defined very early by the desires and fears of our parents, conditioned by the beliefs, values and pressures of our environment, enslaved to political entities and economic in the face of which our freedom of choice and influence diminishes and sometimes even vanishes. "I did not feel respected every time those who loved me dictated to me, with the best intentions and the most great sincerity, how I should be, what I had to feel, what I had to say. "
" Much of my life, I had the feeling that everything was played out in advance, that my own In spite of myself, my choices were shaped by those of my entourage, and it was by a veritable revolt - a flight from my environment - that I managed to assert myself, which was the beginning of a beginning of respect for myself ... "
- Respecting oneself means taking the risk of defining oneself. To position oneself, to assert oneself and even to confront oneself in relationships of force that are not always favorable to us.
"As far as I can remember, I was afraid of displeasing, of not being loved, of being rejected, so I did not annoy anyone, I adjusted myself to the positions of those whose recognition I was expecting so I did not like myself, I despised myself and had an extremely negative image of myself. "
" I was able to respect myself the day when, gathering all my resources, I could have meant to my mother that I would not take her husband's place in the family business. "
- Respecting oneself often begins with an intrapersonal conflict that moves on a loved one to become an interpersonal conflict.
"When I discovered that my husband had adventures, I started by accusing him, I took several years to discover what this situation was like in me and I was able to make the decision to respect by not staying in a relationship that woke up old wounds. "
- Respecting oneself implies the ability to say no.And, therefore, that of taking the risk of hurting relatives, significant people in our lives.
"When I dared to say no to my father the first time, I thought he was going to kill me, he looked at me for a long time, left the room without a word, but I did not . "
- To respect oneself is to accept the possible frustration of those around me when I testify of my difference, of my otherness.
"I understand your point of view but mine is different and I wish to be able to testify to it, not in opposition but in apposition."
- To respect oneself is a process of love with regard to oneself even whenever what we do or say is in keeping with what we experience.
"I never dared to tell him that I did not want to make love in these conditions, on the sly, when I could do it, I felt more alive, lighter. elsewhere lost 10 kilos in the month that followed. "
- Respecting oneself is a slow process of integration that is not a mere will but one that is part of a daily struggle.
This results in loneliness due to the incomprehension and doubt of an entourage who sometimes lives badly the birth or the revelation of a new being. A being who suddenly upsets, by his own positioning of life, the habits, the beliefs and the choices of life of his entourage.
Access to self-respect seems to me to be one of the greatest gifts we can make to our life.