Culture

The veil, my convictions and my life

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I am Muslim of French father and I live in Morocco. A year and a half ago, I put the veil on pure conviction. My father did not agree, but no one forced me to wear it knowing that before I was the kind of girls who wore jeans and sneakers cool, like hard rock, with long curly hair. And all that has to do with an ordinary teenager who lives her life without worrying about the next day or the others ... In short, it's been 18 months since I was torn between my religion and the wearing of the veil, and my old lifestyle, my buddies, outings ... etc.

What has accentuated this "discomfort" lately is that I have met someone I am literally a fan of, the kind of person who represents my purpose in life. Whenever I see him, I'm amazed so much I admire what he does. I even went so far as to remove the veil in front of him a few times, just for him to appreciate me as much as I do. It's not really important, but now I do not know where to turn. I think so much that I make sleepless nights and migraines all day long. I have the impression of playing with my religion and also the impression that I am hypocritical with myself. I can not decide to remove the "scarf". I sometimes feel that it prevents me from doing what I love in life but often I tell myself that it is a choice that I made and that I must assume ... Always shared between two poles completely opposite!

The conclusion of all this is that I am no longer comfortable in my heart. I often ask myself the questions "If ...?", But I do not go for it. I do not even do what I want on the pretext that the veil prevents me! As I make a virtual apology for removing the veil but each time I fall on a wall: the wall of my religious beliefs and the wall of the decision I made a year and a half ago ...

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