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Fantasize about another, is it disenchantment?

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The received idea. Despite the abundance of information on sexuality, we are still victims of prejudices that can complicate our sexual life. Each month, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst, puts in its place one of these beliefs.

Bernadette Costa-Prades

"What fantasies do you hear about this idea?" Mostly, conscious scenarios designed to provide sexual excitement For psychoanalysis, fantasies are more than just that. an unconscious imaginary production, expressing equally unconscious desires, which tell us of our will to power over the other, our aggressiveness, our submission ... And they translate, or not, according to the authorization that we give ourselves, in scenarios conscious but does not say realization in life! Take the case, frequent, of the fantasy of a stranger who slips into the bed of a woman to make love to him. I have a desire, I do not know, but the other knows it, it reveals it to me, so I do not have the responsibility and I enjoy it without my knowledge. would have no desire for such a situation, but this imaginary staging clears her of the guilt of his desire. Fantasies pre-exist the sexual act. That's why they stay the same, no matter who our partner is.

Our thoughts are ours only. Where does our guilt come from? The love we felt for our mother when we were a baby, the feeling that she knew better than us what was happening in us. Little by little, we gained autonomy, experienced distance, especially in the secret of our thoughts. What a marvelous pleasure to escape this mother who is perceived as all-powerful! We were able to start belonging to ourselves and accept that it is not essentially serving our needs. Only, with this distance, we feared disenchantment, the end of the good care on which we depended. This explains our fear of betraying each other by fantasizing elsewhere. Every love relationship is crossed by this tension between the desire to be oneself and the desire to merge to meet our needs. "

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